Doubt. It creeps up on you. It seeps into your mind. It undermines everything you do.
I am starting to doubt my ability to complete this half marathon. I am struggling. No where near where I was last year. I know it is early in my training. But, to be honest, it has been hard.
Did 5 miles this morning. I should be happy with that, but I am not. I was really slow. My legs and my lungs were hurting. Barely made it to the end. And I am not losing weight this year. Struggles abound.
And here comes doubt. Can I do this? Am I too old? I am nuts to even try this. What was i thinking?
I want to give up. I want to stop and just forget about this whole thing. That is one reason why I have put this challenge out here (and on Facebook, Dailymile, Twitter). Making the challenge public, makes it hard to quit.
So what to do.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Castaway, Chuck (played by Tom Hanks) had lost everything after being air wrecked on a small atoll in the Pacific. He had even lost the power over his own death. Faced with the power of nothing he recounted:
I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... … And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
So, I will keep going. Stick with my training schedule. Make it day to day. Because who knows what will happen. Maybe doubt will be chased away.